Before you fade from me
by LostAlongTheWay
Summary: If you loose sight of what you love for just a moment..how can you be sure it s still there when you look back? The day the Doctor got to keep his Amy. Or did he?


"Amy please..just come back into the TARDIS. Come along Pond, please.", I beg refusing to let go of her.  
A bright beam of sunlight blends me and I loose sight of her for a second but then I sigh like I´ve never sighed before in my entire life when I finally manage to pull her back, when she breaks down, onto the ground and into my arms, accepting that this isn´t the way to do it.  
I lift Amy effortlessly and carry her back into the TARDIS. Into her home, where she belongs.  
"Looky, looky...attachment has made the old man selfish.", a familiar voice in the back of my had sneers but I ignore it, placing her shaking body on the control chair.  
"Stay with her.", I can´t help but snap at River, still mad about her urging Amy on to leave me only a few moments ago.  
I leave the TARDIS once more to deal with the Angel, in a way I rarely deal with things. It´s empty eyes glowering at me as I make it burst into a thousand tiny atoms.  
"Doctor, I really-", River starts as I smash the door behind me but I dismiss her with a wave of my hand.  
"Tell me where to take you.", I flinch a tiny bit at the sound of my own voice.  
"IF YOU THINK YOU CAN-", River spits out but I turn on the spot and glare at her.  
"I have no time whatsoever for you scenes right now .You may tell me where to drop you or you can just get out right now.", It needs a lot of patience to be able to deal with River and today is one of those days when patience is for wimps.  
The look on her face will come back to haunt me for sure later but right now she is far from the last thing on my mind. As I watch her turn around to leave, I notice the empty control chair for the first time since my return. Amy´s gone.  
I hurry down the endless corridors to look for her. I check her room. Nothing. I call for her. Nothing. I scream for her. Nothing. Door after door, after door. I kick them open and scream her name. No answer. Just total, all consuming silence. After what must be the 100th door, I really start to panic. Did I imagine bringing her back in? Wouldn´t be the first time my brain fabricated a fantasy to escape reality.  
Did she slip out behind me while I was dealing with the Angel? A wave of rage breaks over me. Did River let her? Did she give Amy her Vortex Manipulator? I´m on my way back to the console room when I hear far off splash.  
I run back down the corridors, kick open the library door and there she is. Fully clothed, floating in the pool. Her empty eyes directed at the ceiling.  
"I called for you Pond.", I sound like a school teacher, threatening his pupil as I walk around the pools edge. "You scared me to death. I was starting to think I´d never carried you back in at all.", I add without thinking as I kneel down to look at her. She hasn´t moved an inch since I came in but she does now, her eyes find mine and I can feel it. I can feel her judging me. Weighing me like a piece of meat, deciding if it was worth the cows death. If I am worth it. Worth losing Rory, because of course Amelia Pond is anything but stupid. She knows. Knows that there is no way to get him back.  
I knew it too, right from the start. I knew it when I begged her to give up her only chance to be with him again.  
"Again with the selfish.", the voice in my mind hisses.  
"We have to tell Brian.", Amy says, her voice unusually high.  
I close my eyes at the thought of facing the cheerful, friendly faced old man. The thought of the look he was going to give me when Amy tells him that I brought back everything but his son makes my heart grow cold with fear and regret.  
"Not as cold as the thought of bringing back just Rory tho?"  
"Shut up!", I think commandingly and to my surprise the usual snappy answer doesn´t come.  
I reopen my eyes to find Amy still staring at me. "Yes, yes of course but...", and that´s when I decide that we won´t be going anywhere tonight. Something inside me makes me want to keep Amy to myself. Just for today.  
"-we´ll do it first thing tomorrow. Right now it´s more important, to have you eat something and maybe take nap.", I say and jump into the pool.  
I wade to her and gently let my arms float underneath Amy to lift her up. I feel a wave of warmth and utter relief roll over when she snuggles her face into my chest, it´s her way of telling me that it´s okay. That she doesn´t hate me for what I have done. "There, there Pond. I´ve got you. I´ve got you.", I whisper more to myself than her as I carry Amy down the halls leaving a trail of dripping water behind us.  
Like always, the door to my room opens by itself. I place Amy on the bed, hand her some of my clothes and disappear into the bathroom to put something dry on myself. I can feel all my years when I look in the mirror, into the face of the man who had just left Rory Williams to die a lonely death. The thought of Amy, sitting out there in my room, safe and sound, lifts the weight of my shoulders tho. I can care about being horrible and selfish later because right now Amy Ponds last page was still ripped and I would do everything in my power to make sure it would never find it´s way back into her book again.  
My shirt and boxers look incredibly big on her. It´s like she´s lost in them and with a sad twinge in my hearts I realize that that´s probably exactly what she is right now. I inhale deeply and straighten my bow tie. No need to worry. I would soon fix that. I walk up beside her and ask, as chipper as the moment allows: "Walk or carry?"  
And there it is! A small smile dances around the corners of her mouth.  
"Carry?", she questions in her Scottish accent that I love so much. So I lift my Scottish girl who grew up in an English village up once more to carry her into the living room where I carefully place her on the couch and drape a blanket over her.  
"What do you fancy? You can have anything! Anything you want!", I say in my almost usual tone.  
To my utter surprise, she looks up and utters: "Fishfingers and custard."  
I smile. A real smile this time. "As m´lady commands."

We eat fishfingers and custard in silence as I flick through the 500000 channels, commenting on this and that. Just trying to get Amy to talk really but apart from a few "mhms" and "yups", it doesn´t really work.  
300 channels after the last "yup", I look down and see that she has fallen asleep on my chest. I turn the TV off and close my eyes, listening to her breathing.  
No matter what was going to happen, Amelia Pond was alive and here with me. The rest I would take care of soon enough. I would make her happy. "You won´t regret your choice Amy. You´ll see. I won´t disappoint you.", I mumble as I fall asleep.  
I wake up, Rorys face swimming in front of my sleepy eyes but just as fast as it swirls before me, it disappears. I move but quickly freeze when I realize that Amy is still sleeping on my chest. I look down at her, she looks so peaceful, breathing slowly and rhythmically. Her red hair framing her lovely face. For a second I feel like I am falling, I shake my head, dismissing it as stress and exhaustion.  
After a little while of staring at her, I just can´t help myself anymore, I reach down and stroke back her hair. As expected she opens her eyes upon my touch.  
"R..Rory?", she mumbles and both my hearts take an elevator ride to the cellar.  
"No..Amy, it´s me. It´s the Doctor.", I answer, my voice slightly breaking.  
"Doctor?", she takes in her surroundings and I can see it, see her eyes widen as yesterdays events crush down on her like a wave.  
"I´ll never see him again, right?", she whispers after a while.  
"I...", I mumble.  
"Am I right Doctor?", she says, her voice rising an octave.  
"Yes.", I answer her at last. Having said it out loud..having told her that "Yes, she was right. No, she won´t ever see Rory again." lifts a gigantic weight of my heart.


End file.
